our cab driver is having phone sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
What drink are we having for lunch?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
