grandma shit on top of the toilet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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