I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
