Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
