Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
