Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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