xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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