Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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