someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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