she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
