Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
