You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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