In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
