I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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