i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
