i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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