i would punch a child for taco bell
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize