I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
