I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
