How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
