You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
