Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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