He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
