Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
