Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Come on in and take your pants off
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