He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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