In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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