Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
