I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize