dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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