dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
