i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
