If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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