Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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