Where is the hickey?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
