whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
