the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize