You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
