piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
