just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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