VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
