Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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