Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize