i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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