I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
