i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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