Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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