I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
