so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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