it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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