dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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