i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize