I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Michael Bay diarrhea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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