I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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