That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize