We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
