I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
