How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
why do cheetos always look like penises
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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