My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
