Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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