Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
