I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
